One Mans Mountain

Stuart's Diary
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8 June 2007
Finding the right medication not only helped my life but saved my life.

My road to recovery has been a long road which I have learnt many things. I have changed my perception of schizophrenia over the years and do truly believe that this illness if nurtured successfully and understood successfully can be extremely creative and powerful.

I have experienced all the destruction of schizophrenia and have lived with the symptoms day after day, month after month, year after year. My illness has taken away my life and replaced my world with fear, misunderstanding, which has caused loved ones, family and society to keep their distance from me. The illness has taken away my self worth, my value in society, and has left me on unequal terms in life where many people view me as troublesome, someone who should be avoided, rather than seeing the real me, the caring, capable good man I strive to be…

Nowadays I live with very little symptoms. This may be because of the natural progression of my illness…its had its day…It could also be down to the importance of, after so many years, finding a medication that truly worked with me. Seroquel. Since I have been on Seroquel for the past 4 years I am starting to find myself in a very positive position in life. I recognise strongly that without finding the right medication, I wouldn’t be in this fortunate position.

I wouldn’t be able to think about one day climbing Everest.

Seroquel has helped to control my symptoms much better than any other medication. Having control of my symptoms has opened up a new life to me. Having my symptoms controlled helps me to become a photographer, helps me to travel to the Himalayas, helps me to be on more equal terms in life again. And re-opens doors that were tightly closed.

I used to think that medication for mental illness, took away emotion, oppressed thoughts and feelings, and was a mental straight jacket…but I now recognise that the right medication can give back life where life was lost.

I live with very little side effects. Almost none. Other medication took away motivation, caused me to have severe side effects, huge weight gain, memory loss, shakes, amongst other things. These side effects made me feel emotionally unwell, reminded me I had a severe mental illness and I felt like I had to deal with a separate illness to my schizophrenia. I believe strongly in greater choice with medication and that psychiatry should work far more closely with the patient in understanding the patients true needs.

It took me along while to get a change of medication for the better and find the correct medication which truly worked with me. Finding the correct medication has changed my life, helped me to function and has put me back on more equal terms not only with life but myself. I can not stress the importance, as a patient, of finding correct medication. Its of the utmost necessity in helping the sufferer regain control of their life and can only offer much needed mental well-being and balance.

SBB.

31 March 2007
Great news for me this week. I have been invited to Barcelona in May to speak about my life and recovery from mental illness. That is just fantastic. I visited Barcelona in my teens on a school football trip in the late 70's and remember seeing some of Gaudi's work and thinking how weird!!!

Now im a grown up! I cant wait to see his work again because i think how 'beautiful and creative' how unique and wonderful.

Have managed to lose weight again and get down to 113kg. The spring weather has been lovely and it’s so good to get out and walk. Maiden Castle, Dorchester, Dorset is always a good place to walk in this wonderful weather. Offers lovely views over Dorchester and the countryside.

Maiden Castle
"Maiden Castle is the largest Iron Age hill fort in Europe and covers an area of 47 acres. 'Maiden' derives from the Celtic 'Mai Dun' which means 'great hill'. It is situated just 2 miles south of Dorchester in Dorset. It is truly an amazing place: even after more than 2000 years, the earthworks are immense, some ramparts rising to a height of 6 metres (20 feet).

It is thought that the construction of Maiden Castle began around 3000 BC and flint tools and other object dating from that time have been found. The late Stone Age/ early Bronze Age people who lived there built a massive ditch and bank some 545 metres in length. There are Bronze Age burial mounds on the right hand end of the Castle.

The present hill fort as we see it today, was started during the Iron Age around 450 - 300 BC when the area of the fort was extended and the ramparts and ditches were enlarged. Three ditches were dug, the earth removed being used to build the ramparts. A wooden fence would have been built along the ramparts with wooden gates at the entrances. The entrances were not aligned therefore making it more difficult for opposing forces to gain entry."

You can find lots more information about Maiden Castle on Google.

Stuart.

18 March 2007
Life is difficult this week. I feel quite concerned 'why' I have not found funding for Everest yet, after so long. The Daily Mail still has not given us a response why they didn't publish the article about my climb to help me find funding. Which is so rude.

This only plays on 2 of my symptoms, my paranoia and fears of persecution. I find it strange that some people have shown support but backed away without any reason!

But...what I will say, I have great belief that one day I will get my feet firmly on the Great Mountain no matter who may or may not be against this challenge. The lack of support, the ignorance towards me and my schizophrenia, the discrimination and all the choices that are taken away from people like me because of my diagnosis only fuels my fire within to succeed over any adversity that may stand in my way. And although the clouds are Grey and Low today, tomorrow and the day after the air will be crisp again and the days will be warmer and not one cloud will block the blue skies and sun from shining!

Anyway...I have put on some weight recently, currently weighed in at 116kg this morning. This may have something to do with my frame of mind and feeling quite low. Well, I’m sure it does. Too much comfort eating, chocolate, pasties, pies, and wine! My exercise has been limited too. When I feel low and that the world is against me its hard to get out the front door with any enthusiasm.

I will take control again very soon. And see if this time next week my weight will be down to 114kg.

Perseverance and Resolution! Stuart.

9 March 2007
Hi everyone. Its so nice to have the good spring weather back again. Great walking weather, bright and cool, lovely to see the trees and flowers slowly 'springing' into life and colour again.

'Spring' most certainly encourages me to get out the front door and to do some exercise. Exercise has been so important for me. The benefits both 'physical and psychological has helped to improve my life. The initial steps taken in 2001 and getting from A to B just for ten minutes a day not only began to heal my body but helped to heal my mind.

Walking for those initial steps 10 minutes a day and getting out of the front door helped me to regain some much needed structure in my life and were the initial steps to the greater things i would attempt in my future. When i started exercising i weighed 162kg. My journey has been long and hard but it has been a journey which has changed my life and in fact given me back a life. I urge you all, everyone of you that may have a diagnosis, to try and get out on these spring days, even if its just for 10 minutes. The benefits could be very rewarding.

The sunny days, the birdsong, the new spring buds and flowers...what could be better?

Stuart

7 February 2007
Hi everyone. How are you all? Last week was a very good week for me. I was up until 11.30pm Monday 29th January working on a PowerPoint presentation and speech about my life with schizophrenia for a conference on mental health in Paris France.

I left for Paris 6am the following morning and arrived at the Paris Hilton later on that day. My presentation was made at the Hilton on the 31st Jan and lasted nearly 40 minutes and was accompanied by wonderful photographs of the people and mountains of the Himalayas it was a wonderful experience for me to have such an opportunity to talk about my life to nearly 200 people from over 45 different countries around the world. And although I was nervous about being in this 'unique position' and being in front of so many people, I feel that my speech was strong (presentation skills could have been stronger!!!) and hopefully some people have returned to their homes feeling a little more inspired!

I met wonderful people who showed great care and understanding towards severe mental illness and the whole experience was refreshing and an experience i will remember for all my life.

So, thank you so much to those who invited me to Paris and for giving me such a wonderful experience and opportunity to talk about my life. it was a great pleasure for me to have met you all.

Stuart

Click here to read the talk transcript.

6 February 2007
Well, the 1st thing I have to say is 'Happy Birthday' to my beautiful niece Victoria. You are 'beautiful sweetheart, can’t believe you are 18. Life goes by so quickly and you are now a young lady. Love you.

And, well!!! I have decided to go for Everest 2008. There's no way I can give up. No way will I quit! I will persevere and keep climbing the mountains I have to climb before I even step foot on the Great mountain.

I could go for Everest October 2007 but in reality the chances of success to summit fall by half because of the risk of avalanche and poor weather. So, its safest that I head for 2008. I know it seems a long way off but in reality the years pass very quickly. I may try and conquer Mera Peak again in October and summit 6500m.

I will now put 2006 behind me and strive forwards, as ever, trying to reach my dreams and to help others. With regards to my schizophrenia, the Christmas period was quite hard for me at times with feeling low about not having my own family members near by. I haven't seen my brothers or had contact with them for over 5 years now. It’s quite typical with severe mental illness to have family breakdown and lack of communication. But there's some good news with that story? And will report soon...

I am taking Omega3 tablets every day and now take a capful of Apple cider vinegar with water to help lower and fight cholesterol!

I am currently weighing in at 113kg and my mental health is good and strong and surviving on seroquel 200mg-400mg most days which is a very low dose.

I am walking with my dog 'beau' for an hour most days now and in reality have laid off full training at the moment. But with new hope and fresh ideas and new dreams for the future, the enthusiasm will no doubt return.

Stuart.

17 January 2007
I have received a request from ‘Irked’ asking if I could write some words on the effects of love, work and identity, whilst coping with a disability such as schizophrenia. The issues I have to say are huge and have great effect on my life and instead of the 1000 words I have allowed myself I could write 6000 or even more, such is the complexity and importance of the subjects in my own and others lives.

To read the full article visit the news section here...

10 January 2007
Hi everyone. Happy New Year to you all. I have to start on a very sad note. Unfortunately it looks as though that I will be unable to get to Everest this spring. The One Mans Mountain team has not been able to find Sponsorship for the climb and we have been very let down by the Daily Mail and others. We have to find the finances within the next week to secure my climb.

Even the UK mental health charity Rethink pulled out at the beginning of the year, stating that they could not support me because of my diagnosis! Which goes against all they stand for...

I personally have sent out hundreds of letters to possible sponsors but only a very few have bothered to reply with a rejection. On the whole, so many people think that the project is a superb and worthwhile project and we do have much support but no one wants to take the next step and fully help me get my feet on the Great Mountain in 2007.

The problem is, simply, my diagnosis...Most people assume i will fail and because i have a diagnosis of schizophrenia it is assumed i may fail a lot easier than others. This attitude is everything i am trying to fight against. Even trekking to Everest BC in 2003 people said I would not make it, the task was simply too difficult for someone with my diagnosis. Time after time though i prove people wrong.

And I will continue to fight the appalling views and misconceptions about my illness. Yes, I have to admit, my illness can be very destructive and disabling but as I am trying to prove, it can also be controlled and overcome and great things can be achieved whilst living with an illness such as schizophrenia.

I would like to say a special 'thank you' to all those who have sent me personal messages of support, emails and letters, hundreds of you and thanks to those who have sent me personal donations...It has been this support that has kept me going and encourages me to carry on for Everest 2008.

I wish this news could be better. I am personally astonished that sponsorship has not been found. I have put all my own savings and resources into this project over the last 2 years.

But, I want to assure everyone who has been following this project and the One Mans Mountain team that I will stay committed to fighting the stigma and discrimination towards those with a diagnosis of sever mental illness.

The team and I will be getting together very soon to work out future plans and i will be getting back to you all soon with updates and future goals.

All the best to you. I’m so sorry this project looks like failing for 2007. It is with great sadness from me and the team that our goals have not been reached and i wish that my news could have been so much more positive.

Stuart.